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I have a very dear friend who has been in a relationship for some forty years. He’s the higher earner by far, at least partly because he encouraged her to follow her passion in a low-earning field. I’ve been incredibly worried and angry for years, because he refused to get married purely on principle because he disapproves of the concept.

His father died relatively recently, and going through all the legal stuff seems to have made him finally realise that just leaving her everything in his will is not actually as good as marriage, so they recently slipped off to the registry office and did the paperwork.

I am incredibly relieved about this, but also — as a result of a long ago and drunken conversation that I no longer really recall and had not thought of in years — the second thing out of my mouth when she told me was “Now I need to make you a cushion shaped like a toaster!”

So, if anyone happens to have a suitable pattern, please let me know.

AlphaKiloPapa☭⃠

@Flick I hate to say it but marriage has been made into a lose-lose for men.

@AlphaKiloPapa I’m struggling to see the downside here of his ensuring that his now-wife has the best possible tax position if he dies first.

@Flick I'm sure in this case, at their age, this makes sense. But for a young man the chances of a woman staying with him until he dies are slim and divorce and child custody laws, especially here in the US, absolutely rape men. Marriage has been turned into a way for women and the state to rob us blind.

@AlphaKiloPapa I’m sorry you feel that way.

@Flick Our divorce court judges and child support judges have quotas they have to meet. It's not a feeling.

Plus, at least in California, Temporary Domestic Violence Restaining Orders can be acquired virtually over the counter on affidavit without any notice or right to hearing for the effected party. The trial on a final order is often a year or more out, and by statute, there's no recourse for the affected party if the allegations are completely false. The law and courts are biased towards women and against men with respect to such orders. This is known amongst jurists. Women often use them to leverage men in divorce proceedings.